Monday, September 20, 2010

A Day Like Today (for my son)

(I wrote this back in May, 2010)

A day like today, almost 17 years ago, I was only 19 years old. I was about to become a mother for the first time, a single, unwed mother.

A day like today, I was experiencing contractions and had been for several days but I had no idea; I just knew that I was feeling major discomfort.

A day like today the pain I was feeling, both in my heart and physically, had me wondering what my purpose was in this life.

A day like today I questioned my existence. I did not know if I wanted to continue with my life; my baby & God kept me going.

A day like today all I knew was that if I did not have anyone else's support, at least I would soon have someone who would truly need me and depend on me; my baby.

A day like today, I had no idea how much God loved me.

A day like today, alone in my room, I held my Bible tight and searched for answers.

A day like today, I knew that I would name him Joshua. That was the name that the Lord put in my heart thanks to this verse in the book of Joshua : "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." JOSHUA 1:9

A day like today I wondered if I would forever continue to be a disappointment in the eyes of those around me. Would I be able to fix this ? If mere people are disappointed at me, what makes me think that God, who is perfect and the creator of the universe, still loves me ?

A day like today I knew that my intentions were good and that all I wanted was to be loved and held.

A day like today I had no idea that in a couple of days, on Saturday (the day before Mother's day, just as it falls this year), I would see my child.

A day like today, almost 17 years ago, I did not imagine all that God had prepared for me.

"No eye has seen,

no ear has heard,

no mind has conceived

what God has prepared for those who love him" 1 Corinthians 2:9

Thank you Lord for seeing me through my first pregnancy. Thank you for guiding me through that very difficult time in my life. My reward for sincerely attempting to seek you was and still is tremendous. You gave me a beautiful baby boy. My journey with Joshua has not been an easy one. We both learned as we went along. Thank you Lord for guiding us and keeping us under your wing. Thank you for giving me the courage to keep my baby, to care for him and to love him regardless of what was going on around me.

I love you Joshua


(written on May 6, 2010; two days before Joshua's 17th birthday)

Click here to watch "Better than a Hallelujah" by Amy Grant

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